Are You Lonesome Tonight My Dear? / 親愛的，今夜你寂寞嗎？

天黑了，音響裡傳來男歌手有點哀傷的歌聲，「親愛的，今夜你寂寞嗎？」我低頭思索著要從120枝色鉛筆裡選哪一個顏色搭配圖面，一邊我吸著涼涼的空氣，突然腦海中閃過夏天在慕尼黑待的那一夜：外頭有些濕冷的天氣令人卻步，不過我們早早躲進市郊的旅館，我難得對於哪兒也去不了這件事感到溫暖的安全感，旅館有自行印製的短篇小說集，讓我不禁覺得旅館有了生命和靈魂，我剛好喜歡在就寢之前看書，雖然那一晚大部分的時間我呈現昏厥狀態，可是在我的記憶裡，慕尼黑之夜有著橘黃色的燈光。早上醒來時，太陽還沒升起，我泡起旅館準備的茶，為了不開燈打擾薛吉，我在更衣間外頭鋪了毯子，開起一個人的早晨野餐，繼續我的閱讀。

It’s getting dark. The singer’s melancholy voice wafts from the stereo: are you lonesome tonight my dear? Meanwhile, I am pondering over which color out of 120 will go with my picture. The crisp cold air in the evening reminds me of that summer night in Munich. The chilly weather was rather intimidating, so we hid into the hotel early during the day. I hardly felt such a warm sense of safety about the choice of not going anywhere. The hotel offered a collection of short stories, which is right up my alley since I really take delight in being lullabied to sleep by words and words. This, to me, gave soul and life to the hotel. Though I was unconscious most of the night, in my memory, the night in Munich is full of colors. When I woke up early in the morning, it was still dark outside. Not to disturb Shaggy, I made myself a cup of tea, spread a blanket on the floor outside the closet for my one-man picnic with the book as my quiet companion.

冬天一直是我很害怕的季節，除了要面對太陽早早下山晚晚起床，下降的溫度把我部份的活力帶走，我就在和體重的掙扎當中吃和運動，並且不時地感到罪惡。這個冬天，在上述的課題之外，我觀察到一些新的情緒，可以讓我用來說服自己來喜歡這個季節，例如說，許多夏季的心浮氣躁最近都慢慢沉澱了，我終於可以很客觀地面對生活，不作無謂的多愁善感，有時候這種心境真的是求之不得呢！

Winter has always been my least favorite season. It takes me some efforts to live with the fact that the sun rises later and sets earlier. The drop in temperatures takes away my energy. I am constantly struggling with my weight between eating and exercising, and feeling guilty. However, this winter, I notice something else apart from the above-mentioned, a good reason I can use to convince myself that winter isn’t necessarily so negative. For example, my bubbly feelings have calmed down. I can look at life and people from more objective viewpoints instead of sentimentalizing. Sometimes, this state of mind is to die for while it’s miles out of my reach.

現在的我，臉又圓了一些，剛剪了一個很糟糕的髮型，「熱情的西班牙」系列只作到第四張，我以慢得不能再慢的龜速前進，可是我聽到這首歌時，想回答男歌手：我很好，回頭看看今年，對於發生的每一件事，不管表面看起來是好是壞，我都很高興我有這些經歷，而且，我有著滿滿的關於旅行的回憶，我要說，目前的我不寂寞。

I, at this moment, have a rounder face with a terrible new hairstyle. I’ve only got to drawing No. 4 for my Spanish series, which I carry on at a snail pace. But when I hear the singer, I feel like replying, “I am fine.” Looking back on this year and everything that happened, I am glad that it happened. Besides, I am loaded with rich memories about traveling. I want to say, I am not lonely for the time being.

winter, my desires / 冬天，我的慾望

Role / 角色

手機：一個月以上處於關機狀態；即使開機，我的耳朵老是接收不到鈴聲。
電腦：壞了一個星期；我在各方面都很積極，但是只要家裡電氣壞掉，我就變成最被動的逃避者，沒有電腦就讀書吧！我的周末在書堆裡度過，心情平靜到不行。
電視之一：已經走到生命盡頭，螢幕黑黑青青的，看了半個小時就有種眼睛要瞎掉的不祥預兆。

Cell phone: was turned off for more than a month. Even when it’s on, the tone rings hardly reach my nonchalant ears.
Computer: totally crashed for a week. I am not an ostrich unless when it comes to electric appliances. I thus crept into my warm bed, accompanied by a novel, a dozen of picture books, and several movies for the weekend.
One of the home TVs: refused to work normally. Instead, the screen has a livid hue, and it gives me the illusion that I am going blind soon.

最近過著很原始的生活，和電器沒有甚麼緣分，不知道是不是因為如此，我在人際接觸方面，神經突然敏銳了起來，這大概就是我們說的有失有得吧。我有意無意感受到某些很細微的情緒，一開始發現之後，突然電路就瞬間接通，看了那麼多風景又怎樣呢？這個超能力的但書就是，我只能默默觀察，即使看到了很多人的不快樂，我不要自己做出主觀或自以為是的意見和判斷，因為這世界上已經太多人只搶著讓別人聽見他們的聲音，我不需要再加入任何的雜音，而且我也沒有資格。我最多只能默默地伸出手、或者安靜地傳遞生命的訊息，希望能有所幫助。

I’ve been living like the primitive people for a while, but we shall not forget, God is fair. When we lose something, we gain something else.

What am I blessed with? With my connection with the electronic world cut off, I have been compensated with a finer-than-usual vision into many souls’ secret emotions. Does it count as clairvoyance? But there is a condition. I can only see, without making any subjective judgments or self-presumptuous opinions even when I witness suffering. After all, too many people have fought to have their voices heard and taken seriously. I don’t feel inclined at all to worsen that cacophony. I can only help by lending a hand silently, by being a messenger dropping hints and clues that might of be use, even to the slightest degree.

坦白說，要客觀地看待一切不容易，可是我想了許久，每個人在世界上都有他要扮演的角色，如果說我擔任的是觀察者，我不想只是就這麼過去，我看到的至少可以有積極的意義。

It’s not always been a piece of cake to withhold my thoughts and remain unruffled. But I guess we all have our roles to play in this world. If I am meant as a viewer that is granted insight into others’ inner worlds, I won’t just pretend that I didn’t see anything.

就說我選擇的是積極地被動，包括我給你的幫助。

You know I’ll be there to give you a hand, in any form.

My Little Prince / 我的小王子

週末深夜進家門時，有股細細小小的聲音喊著：汪達姨，小王子從門邊探出頭來，他很嚴肅地說，我有事情要問妳。小王子拿出我們前幾個星期前的塗鴉，他指著有三個人的那輛車，問：妳記得這是誰嗎？我思索了一下回答：這是阿嬤和小阿姨，開車的是阿竣舅舅。小王子恍然大悟地點點頭，「我也是麼想。」我說：「很晚了，只有你一個人不睡覺呢！」他說：「我等你回來問你這個問題，現在我可以去睡覺了。」小王子把車排好之後，很安心地就寢去了。

When I tiptoed home late on a weekend night, a tiny soft sound greeted me, “Auntie Wanda!” The Little Prince stuck his head out of the door. He looked at me with a pensive face, “I have a question for you.” He whizzed into the living room and came to me with a doodle we had done together a few weeks earlier. He pointed at the car with three people in it. “Do you remember who they are?” I searched for the answer in my memory, “The passengers are Granny and Little Auntie. The driver is Uncle Jun.” My reply took off the weight on his mind. “That’s what I thought.” Seeing him all alone, I couldn’t help asking, “It’s late. How come you aren’t in bed?” He said, “I was waiting for you to ask you the question. Now I have the answer. I can go to sleep.” Lining his cars on the table, he walked into the dark to his sweet bed.

我的小王子有著又成熟又童稚的靈魂，我不知道將來的他會變成甚麼樣，但是我希望可以用圖畫留住他為小問題認真苦惱的那刻。

My Little Prince has a mature and childlike soul. I have no clue what he’ll turn out to be in the future, but I want more than anything to keep the moment when he took a small problem seriously, which so moved me.

Decision / 決定

從九月底開始，我就像能量小兔不停地規劃展覽的內容，想說的東西太多，卻又割捨不掉其中任何一環，所以我有種不是很相信自己的感覺，我真的做得出來嗎？

From the end of September, I’d been planning the exhibit with the incredible stamina of the Energizer bunny. There was so much I wanted to say, and I didn’t want to do without any detail. So I couldn’t whisk away the question mark in my mind—Is it really possible for me to come up with a decent exhibition in two months?

這個星期當我走到最後的試驗階段時，我突然領悟，我並沒有考量觀者的需要，我只是猛想著自己要分享的經驗，但是對我來說，藝術的目的已經超過自我表達，現在我期許當個能夠透過圖像和其他人互動或溝通的創作者。

Halfway through this week, at the final stage of trying my forms of expression, it dawned on me that I hadn’t taken into account the needs of the viewer. I was blinded by my strong desire to share the experiences. Yet for me, art should go beyond self-expression. I expect myself to be an artist who can interact and communicate with others through my images.

於是我下了一個讓我沮喪好幾天但卻是必要的決定，我來不及在明年一月展出，我得退出和薛吉的聯展，所以到時候步調咖啡的展覽就由薛吉一人獨挑大樑，但是我對她很有信心，因為她的作品呈現和我的相較起來，主題清楚多了。

Thus, I made a decision which was rather discouraging but necessary. I can’t make it for the exhibit in January next year. I have to back out of the duo exhibition with Shaggy, who will be the solo artist in TOTE Café then. I have much faith in her because compared with my works, there is a very clear theme in hers.

花了一個月，旅行的草稿加計畫用掉了四本札記本，我好像又回到了原點，但是如果沒有這些嘗試，我就不會找到我的方向，所以即使有些失望，我明白這個決定是必要的，我不想只是畫圖，我想要畫好圖。

It took me a month and four journal books to come so far. I seem to have gone back to the starting point. However, without these trials and errors, I wouldn’t find my direction. Despite my disappointment, I know I’ll come to this decision anyway. I don’t want just to draw. I want to draw well.

到時候大家一定要來看薛吉的展覽！你會看到滿滿的、繽紛的西班牙！

Please don’t miss Shaggy’s exhibit. You’ll get a heavy and satisfying taste of Spain!